


First Time

by Rainwater_Apothecary



Series: 10 days of Snakepei [4]
Category: Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: Handjob mention, His jokes are awful but they make snake laugh, Internalized Homophobia, Junpei's awful puns, M/M, Mentions of sexy stuff, anal mention, bj mention, flashbacks to tw claustrophobia, he's a musician leave me alone, homophobia mention, light has PTSD bet ya didnt see that one coming, man this all sounds really serious in the tags huh, remembering lotus' last name escapes me, snake low-key has a voice fetish I'm garbage ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 01:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20612633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainwater_Apothecary/pseuds/Rainwater_Apothecary
Summary: Junpei isn't ready to go all the way and Light would never force him.Instead they talk.Teen and up for all the mentions, but nothing explicit happens. (That'd be in a second chapter if I ever get up the stones to do it haha)





	First Time

**Author's Note:**

> _"Speaking in Japanese."_  
"Speaking in English."

Stop biting your lip.  


Unclench your fists.  


Breathe.  


Junpei repeated these in his head as much as possible while shelling off his shirt. A broad hand with musician's fingers gave him pause when it rested on his chest.  


"Hm?"  


"You are too quiet. What is bothering you, Junpei?" His boyfriend raised an eyebrow.  


The shorter man sighed. Light would see through him with or without sight.  


"It's just...weird still, to me. Y'know?"  


"What, anal sex?" Junpei squirmed at the topic before the pale hand stilled him again. "Anata..._ You know we don't have to..."_  


Junpei's shoulders relaxed as his lover extended the olive branch of a language change.  


_"It's just that I've just barely figured out where I stand on the whole 'loving men' thing."_ He sat down on a corner of their bed and ran a hand through his thick, brown hair.  


There had been a time in their relationship where the American would have started in on a statement about internalized homophobia and the compounded detriment to bisexuals... but now he just waited quietly. Junpei was a brilliant man, but he needed time to think when it was a topic that actually mattered to him.  


***

He had learned this quirk of Junpei's rather early on: a couple days after their escape from the Nevada facility, in fact.  


A lot of the brunette's thoughts weren't making sense as he said them. It had been like someone cutting ideas from a multiple choice quiz and then throwing them out there in hopes that they would please others. That it would get the attention off of him.  


After one such conversation (made of confused questions and garbled answers) the older Receiver settled down beside him on the wooden stoop of the safehouse.  


"What are you thinking on this whole..." Light made a motion with one hand to encompass more their situation than their surroundings.  


"...Shitshow?" The Japanese man had supplied.  


"Very sussinctly put." Light chuckled and leaned back onto his hands.  


Then he waited.  


Shuffling noises of Junpei's barely laced sneakers belied how he moved slightly as he thought.  


Then the shorter man sighed.  


"I don't really know _what_ to make of it, Snake- Ah. Light." The blind man could hear his hair whisper along his shirt collar as he looked at him in horror. He merely shrugged.  


When Junpei let out a relieved sigh Light Field was reminded of how _good_ his voice sounded.  


-  


He'd been anamoured with Junpei's voice from the first, shaky moment he'd heard it.  


He was a gay man, he wasn't afraid to admit it.  


Then he had learned his name.  


He had heard the panicked man take charge at pivotal moments and had held the pleasure of listening to his 5 player solving things close to his chest. Junpei did not read as particularly bright if taken at face value. Light could not see faces and as such took nothing from such values.  


Instead he listened.  


In the first class cabin when Light could only go off of muscle memory, Junpei checked in and had been bringing the plates to him. Including him.  


In the casino when the older men had outlined somewhat complex game mechanics and he had taken it in stride.  


Light had gotten to listen to that voice laughing, joking (albeit awfully), laced with concern...  


And then he had brought his sister back to him.  


He had been the one to unlock that godforsaken coffin that had bound Light's limbs like the darkness would have bound his sight. He could only bang his prosthetic against the confines and hope he was found before he ran out of oxygen. He'd done the calculations. He knew it couldn't last much longer.  


Then a beeping and a familiar voice, muffled by wood but so very close.  


He'd shoved the lid off and tried to act as though he wasn't at risk for suffocation _on top_ of retraumatization. Light could already feel the flutterings of his PTSD getting stoked by old triggers. Great.  


But then his sister was in his arms. His little baby sister sobbing and holding him so close he might not have needed fresh oxygen for all that his lungs were getting now. Her arms grounded him, even when the smell of saltwater and candles threatened to overpower him with senseless terror.  


Her words cut through his fog when she squeaked Junpei's name. She was thanking him. Had their new 5 player been the reason she was still safe?  


Light pledged then to protect him, to get them _all_ off of this damn boat. The boat that was most likely the compound in Nevada but he couldn't be 100% sure. Cradle had been far too thorough and he had never been on a cruise since. He had no point of reference.  


But he did have the remaining players.  


And one big trick up his sleeve.  


-  


"We thought...we thought you were dead, man. What happened in that shower room..." Junpei's breath hitched and Light leaned his shoulder into the shorter man's as they sat on the step. His breathing evened and he continued. "It was disgusting. That someone could do that to another human being, and that it was a man that we had _met_. That we had gotten to _know_ a little. It was...And then we were never on the Atlantic at all? Knowing we could have...I don't know, broken through a wall or something and been safe? Been free?"  


Junpei's shoulder slid from his as he curled into himself. His voice was muffled, probably by his pants where he had curled up.  


"She used me, Light. She used me and she killed you and she hurt Clover and Mrs. Kashiwabara and Seven-"  


Strong, masculine shoulders began to tremble beside Light's upper arm as the other man began to cry.  


The blind man's heart skipped at how Junpei was concerned and protective of his little sister. He was pretty sure Junpei wasn't playing for the heterosexual team, but either way he was a keeper. The Fields weren't about to let such an ally go, especially when they'd gone through so much and come to care for one another.  


The musician settled his hand on Junpei's far shoulderblade, looping his arm over his back.  


It was incredibly selfish, wanting this contact with him. They were both tired and traumatized--  


And then Junpei had pressed their lips together in the evening chill. Light knew it was probably just the adrenaline making two soldiers _think_ they feel love but...he was a selfish man.  


Over the next months thick with therapy and rehabilitation, Junpei had never seemed to regret the kiss.  


Eventually Light intertwined their fingers in the cafeteria at lunch and Junpei had squeezed affectionately.  


Light was a selfish man.  


***  


Not so selfish as to take what hasn't been given however.  


As much as he wanted- craved more than just the handjobs they'd gotten away with on one another, it was a big step for his partner. They were _partners._ One didn't lead while the other followed. They walked side by side.  


Their legs were long enough, as Clover liked to complain. 

The thought always brought a smile to him.  


_"I want it to feel good."_ Junpei admitted quietly. So quietly that one would have to be paying attention to catch it. Light was always paying attention.  


_"And I trust you - Jesus you've saved my life and sucked my dick - I think that's as close as anybody can get to another person! So I don't know why I'm so hung up on this.."_  


_"It's because you were raised to be hyper masculine."_  


Junpei shrugged beneath his hand.  


"Iunno, buff guys are hot."  


Light chuckled at the English and inclined his head on that one. 

_"B-but it's different when it's me, I guess? I don't know..."_  


Light leaned his head on his boyfriend's bare shoulder and let him think.  


Junpei's hand found his with no resistance.  


_"I think it's in people knowing I've had sex with a guy. I mean when it's with a girl you're a hero but when it's a guy you love then it's...filthy."_  


Light knew it was coming but he still stiffened at the homophobic words surfacing in his lover. He let Junpei's thoughts pull him out of his own.  


"But it's not gross or disgusting or anything." Light's hair moved as Junpei shook his head in thought. "For fucks sake if the Greeks were doin' it while coming up with math and shit then they must've been onto something!"  


The American couldn't help it. He started chuckling.  


That must have been one of the ideal outcomes for his lover since the shorter man looped an arm around his back and have him a loose hug. He listened to his friend's accented English as the jokester continued.  


"Hell if it was good enough for Socrates and Plato and Pisces and Pilates then it's good enough for me. Let's do this." The smile in his love's words was all the encouragement the top needed.

Although he had to stop laughing long enough to breathe first.


End file.
